Early in the Book of Mormon, the prophet Jacob was called to teach the people and warn them because they were "beginning to labor in sin." Jacob began his address, by teaching the people that the words of God have power to heal "the wounded soul." Without a doubt, each member of our family, especially Layton and Shaina, are experiencing wounded souls. I don't know if I am writing this to work through my own grief and pain, or in hopes that these thoughts will lift others, but I think it is probably a little bit of both. Somehow, in some way, my hope is that these words will bring comfort, peace and healing to the souls of my family, and any others who may read this who are experiencing difficulty, grief or pain.
Often in our faith, we refer to our Heavenly Father's plan for us as "the plan of happiness." It is at times like these that the phrase is particularly poignant. The hope of seeing Brooklyn again and being with her bring happiness, but the devastation of not seeing her smile again for some time is, to be frank, quite unbearable right now. Despite the pain, I am finding solace in the teachings of Jesus Christ, and knowing that, "the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also
for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our
fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our
regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and
inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.
There
is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or
heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality
that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may
cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the
Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne
our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal
sacrifice (see Alma 34:14),
He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can
reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we
could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying
only upon our own power." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/bear-up-their-burdens-with-ease?lang=engDespite the fact that I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest as I watch my little brother and his sweet, innocent wife experiencing unimaginable pain, I have also felt the Savior's grace lift and comfort and heal at the times where I have felt that I couldn't bear the pain any more. It is a real feeling. Not imagined. Impossible to reproduce on command, but available at the times when God knows that I can't do it alone.
God's plan of happiness has always existed and our part in this great plan had no beginning and will have no end. We have always existed. We are eternal beings and existed with God. Because we have always existed, we will never cease to exist (93:29). Our Heavenly Parents created our spirits from this eternal material and we came into being as their spirit sons and daughters. Our Heavenly Parents were different than us, in that they possessed glorified, immortal bodies of flesh and bone (DC 130:22). Our Heavenly Father presented a plan whereby we could receive a body, experience a mortal existence, learn, grow, progress, and through the merits, mercy and grace of Christ, become like Him and experience the joy He had and has. (2 Nephi 31:17-21) When we taught us this eternal plan, we "shouted for joy" (Job 38:7).
While we understood the potential for joy, we also understood that we would need a Savior, to redeem us from physical and spiritual death, and provide compensation for the injustices of life that occur as a natural result of simply living in a world where choice (agency) exists and where terrible things can happen to even the best of people. "The Savior’s suffering in Gethsemane and His agony on the cross redeem us from sin by satisfying the demands that justice has upon us. He extends mercy and pardons those who repent. The Atonement also satisfies the debt justice owes to us by healing and compensating us for any suffering we innocently endure." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/redemption?lang=eng
Elder Quentin Cook also said this of our understanding, "We all participated in the councils of heaven that provided for moral agency, knowing that there would be mortal pain and even unspeakable tragedy because of the abuse of agency. We understood that this could leave us angry, bewildered, defenseless, and vulnerable. But we also knew that the Savior’s Atonement would overcome and compensate for all of the unfairness of mortal life and bring us peace. Elder Marion D. Hanks had a framed statement on his wall by Ugo Betti: 'To believe in God is to know that all the rules will be fair, and that there will be wonderful surprises.'"
There will be wonderful surprises, although this mortal life is not fair. I don't know why God took my 3 month old niece at this time, but I do know that the principle of compensation and its associated doctrines are what are giving hope to me right now and providing the hope that I have for Layton and Shaina that, "the Savior makes all things right. No injustice in mortality is permanent, even death, for He restores life again. No injury, disability, betrayal, or abuse goes uncompensated in the end because of His ultimate justice and mercy." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/the-resurrection-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng
This principle of compensation has been taught by President Faust as well. "All of us benefit from the transcendent blessings of the Atonement and the Resurrection, through which the divine healing process can work in our lives. The hurt can be replaced by the joy the Savior promised. To the doubting Thomas, Jesus said, “Be not faithless, but believing.” 5 Through faith and righteousness all of the inequities, injuries, and pains of this life can be fully compensated for and made right. Blessings denied in this life will be fully recompensed in the eternities...our suffering in this life can be as the refining fire, purifying us for a higher purpose. Heartaches can be healed, and we can come to know a soul-satisfying joy and happiness beyond our dreams and expectations." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/woman-why-weepest-thou?lang=eng
This power and ability to compensate us comes from Jesus because He, as God, suffered for each one of us in the Garden of Gethsemane and again on the cross (Luke 22:39-44, Matt. 27:46) as he suffered for our sins, griefs, sorrows, etc (Isaiah 53:3-5, Alma 7:11-13). Elder Merrill J. Bateman described this intimate experience and its meaning for us as he said, "For many years I thought of the Savior’s experience in the garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah, and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt “our infirmities” (Heb. 4:15), “[bore] our griefs, … carried our sorrows … [and] was bruised for our iniquities” (Isa. 53:4–5).
The Atonement was an intimate, personal experience in which Jesus came to know how to help each of us.
The
Pearl of Great Price teaches that Moses was shown all the inhabitants
of the earth, which were “numberless as the sand upon the sea shore” (Moses 1:28).
If Moses beheld every soul, then it seems reasonable that the Creator
of the universe has the power to become intimately acquainted with each
of us. He learned about your weaknesses and mine. He experienced your
pains and sufferings. He experienced mine. I testify that He knows us.
He understands the way in which we deal with temptations. He knows our
weaknesses. But more than that, more than just knowing us, He knows how
to help us if we come to Him in faith." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/a-pattern-for-all?lang=engThe Savior spent time in the garden with Layton, Shaina, and each one of us individually so that He would know how we feel and know exactly how to comfort us in our times of need. I am a witness that what Jesus did is real, and that He truly can help us as we come to Him in faith. I have felt His grace lift me from the lowest of lows and buoy me up in the times of my greatest difficulties. His infinite sacrifice, knowledge and ability are very tangible and real. To access this power simply requires the asking (DC 4:7).
With that being said, am I calm and untroubled at this time? Absolutely not. My heart is aching and I feel like someone has torn my insides from me. I feel most for my brother and his wife. It's times like these that I have to ask, just as the Savior did while on the cross, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matt. 27:46)
Fortunately, I have felt just enough comfort and reassurance to know that He hasn't forsaken me. He is with me, strengthening me with His Grace. Elder Holland explained the Savior's experience as He cried our in anguish this way, "Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.” Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness, and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”
Brothers
and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is
that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we
do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for
our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in
Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate
gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides
of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of
these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey
because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His
gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will
never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we
are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you
comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].” https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/none-were-with-him?lang=eng
He never leaves us comfortless. There are always those there who can help us and lift us along the way. Our family has also experienced the loss of three boys and one girl (Remington, Promise, Trenton and Teancum). Despite their not being there physically every day, there have been times where there has been a sure witness that they have been there to help me along the way. Real, tangible experiences that I felt deep within my soul. Real, tangible witnesses that I could never deny. To paraphrase what the prophet Joseph Smith once said, I know it, and I know that God knows it, and I cannot deny it. Knowing this gives me the knowledge that Layton and Shaina will surely experience times when they feel Brooklyn there as a help from the other side of the veil. Her sweet and strong spirit will be strengthening and blessing them when they need it most.
(As a side note, a sign of God's mercy and hand in this was that another family moved their baby to a different plot last week, and so little Brooklyn will get to be buried near her aunt and uncles)
So what will we need to hang on to when the days get dark and when we feel alone and forsaken? The scriptures teach of an iron rod as the word of God (1 Nephi 8, 11 and hymn #274). This iron rod (the word of God) is what we have to hold onto when the darkness descends, and even in the glorious light of dawn. It is what we have to hold on to no matter what and no matter when, and the word of God concerning Brooklyn is this, "little children are alive in Christ", and, "all children are alike unto me; wherefore, I love little children with a perfect love; and they are all alike and partakers of salvation." (Moroni 8)
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that, "“Would you think it strange if I relate what I have seen in vision in relation to this interesting theme? Those who have died in Jesus Christ may expect to enter into all that fruition of joy when they come forth, which they possessed or anticipated here.So plain was the vision, that I actually saw men, before they had ascended from the tomb, as though they were getting up slowly. They took each other by the hand and said to each other, “My father, my son, my mother, my daughter, my brother, my sister.” And when the voice calls for the dead to arise, suppose I am laid by the side of my father, what would be the first joy of my heart? To meet my father, my mother, my brother, my sister; and when they are by my side, I embrace them and they me......All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful. By the vision of the Almighty I have seen it.More painful to me are the thoughts of annihilation than death. If I have no expectation of seeing my father, mother, brothers, sisters and friends again, my heart would burst in a moment, and I should go down to my grave.The expectation of seeing my friends in the morning of the resurrection cheers my soul and makes me bear up against the evils of life. It is like their taking a long journey, and on their return we meet them with increased joy. God has revealed His Son from the heavens and the doctrine of the resurrection also; and we have a knowledge that those we bury here God will bring up again, clothed upon and quickened by the Spirit of the great God; and what mattereth it whether we lay them down, or we lay down with them when we can keep them no longer? Let these truths sink down in our hearts, that we may even here begin to enjoy that which shall be in full hereafter."
He also explained, "why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …
“… The
only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in
heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a
little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all
this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we
do not mourn as those without hope.”5
“A
question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’
Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have
eternal life, for their debt is paid.”6
“Children
… must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants
with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.” https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-joseph-smith/chapter-14?lang=engLayton and Shaina and all of us are in a bit of a dark place right now. Elder Hafen described the scenario that the prophet Lehi found himself in: "In his dream of the tree of life, Lehi found himself in a dark and dreary wasteland and saw others surrounded by a great mist of darkness. The pathway home from this darkness was the way to the tree of life—the same tree, I suppose, as the one from which Adam and Eve were barred until they, too, had walked the trail Lehi took. The path was marked by the iron rod, the word of God. (See 1 Ne. 8:7–30.) Holding fast to this rod in the mists of darkness, we, as did Lehi, grope and move our way homeward. As we do, we are likely to find that the cold rod of iron will begin to feel in our hands as the warm, firm, loving hand of him who literally pulls us along the way. We find that hand strong enough to rescue us, warm enough to tell us that home is not far away; and we summon our deepest resources to reciprocate, until we are again “at one” in the arms of the Lord." https://www.lds.org/ensign/1990/04/beauty-for-ashes-the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng
His hands will be there for all of us pulling us along as we hang on to the word.
Knowing this brings comfort. Knowing that we will all be compensated for all of our losses gives us faith and hope to move forward. Elder Wirthlin gave 2 different addresses that bring comfort at this difficult time. He taught in October 2008 that, "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.
One
of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain
of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the
other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not
even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving
Heavenly Father." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng&query=compensation
Elder Wirthlin gave the following words of comfort and counsel after losing his wife of 65 years. The excerpt is a bit "long", but there can be no shortage of comfort at times like these. He taught, "it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul. He was right. As Elisa was my greatest joy, now her passing is my greatest sorrow.
In
the lonely hours I have spent a great deal of time thinking about
eternal things. I have contemplated the comforting doctrines of eternal
life.
During my life I have heard many sermons on the Resurrection.
Like you, I can recite the events of that first Easter Sunday. I have
marked in my scriptures passages regarding the Resurrection and have
close at hand many of the key statements uttered by latter-day prophets
on this subject.
We know what the Resurrection is—the reuniting of the spirit and body in its perfect form.
1
President
Joseph F. Smith said “that those from whom we have to part here, we
will meet again and see as they are. We will meet the same identical
being that we associated with here in the flesh.”
2
When
Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the
Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime
act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the
souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.
I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.
On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.
Those
evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more,
surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood
triumphant.
On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.
Mary
Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief
and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless
upon the cross.
On
that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man
who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of
wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.
On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.
It
was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at
the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.
I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.
But the doom of that day did not endure.
The
despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst
the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously
triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.
And
in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears
dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now
filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of
the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the
Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and
wondrous existence.
Each
of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself
seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in
pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can
never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But
I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will
come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/sunday-will-come?lang=eng
I believe Elder Wirthlin's words. Because of the merits, mercy and grace of Christ, I am confident that the promise of eternal family felicity will be given to Layton and Shaina with their little Brooklyn, and that they will have the privilege and opportunity of being with her, raising her in the millennium, watching her find a man to spend eternity with, and have the privilege of being with and associating with her through the endless ages of eternity. "peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (DC 121:7-8). Sunday will come! Until that day, we can hang on to our hope in the Savior, and the iron rod that He provides, finding joy in our journey back to Him so that we can be prepared for the glorious reunion with our loved ones! SUNDAY WILL COME!!!
Other helpful talks:
I don't know how Brooklyn passed but I lost my first child to SIDs. Only time will lessen that pain and even then there are days where my heart feels like it'll burst from loss. We will keep Layton and Shaina in our prayers.
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