What I'm actually writing about was my experience at my parents house yesterday after Sunday dinner. My family and friends got together in the living room and had a little sit-down lesson with my dad where he went over the ABC'S of Human Emotional Needs. I found it very thought provoking so I figured I would write it down for anyone who chooses to read it and also to solidify in my mind what I learned from the lesson.
The ABC'S of human emotional needs are the following:
A - Acceptance
B - Belonging
C - Comfort
S - Security
Every person has a need to feel each of those things. They're things that we seek and yearn for. If we aren't feeling those things, then we're likely feeling some of the opposites. We may feel rejected, uncomfortable, embarrassed, angry, frustrated, etc. Each of those negative feelings take us away from the basic emotional needs that we have. If our emotional needs aren't being met, and we're feeling some of the negative feelings, then we try to compensate in some way by developing mechanisms whereby we can have (or provide ourselves the illusions of having) those emotional needs met again. These coping mechanisms are different for everyone (what are they for you?), but some examples include reading, exercise, eating, drugs, alcohol, television, sleep, etc.
Each of our coping mechanisms provide the illusion of satisfying our emotional needs. For example, if I personally feel rejected, embarrassed or frustrated then I often turn to exercise. Exercise causes me to release feel-good chemicals such as endorphins that give the illusion that my emotional needs are being met. However, that illusion only lasts for a short time. When I finish exercising and I'm no longer releasing those feel-good brain chemicals then the illusion is gone. What do I do then? I'm not physically capable of exercising nonstop. There are physical limitations to what I can do. Just thinking about exercising won't help either. That doesn't release the desired chemicals that produce the illusion that I seek. I actually have to be performing the activity. So what else can I do?
Switching gears for a second to look at this from a gospel perspective. There have been times in my life where I have felt God's love for me. During those times, all of my emotional needs were met. I simultaneously felt Acceptance, Belonging, Comfort and Security. One of these times came when I first left to serve a mission for the LDS church. I was leaving my home and family for two years. Home and family was a place where all of my emotional needs were met. Suddenly I didn't have that and I felt alone, scared and uncomfortable. I needed to find a way to have my needs met again. The first night that I was away and was struggling with these negative feelings, I knelt down and prayed to my Heavenly Father and asked Him for strength and asked him to help me know that He loved me. Immediately a warmth washed over me and I knew that He did. In that moment the love of God had the ability to help me feel Acceptance, Belonging, Comfort and Security all at once.
Since that experience, I have often looked back and thought about that time. Whenever I think about that time, those feelings come back to me and my emotional needs are met. I don't have to actually seclude myself and kneel down in prayer to ask for a re-confirmation of God's love for me in order to have those feelings come back. All I have to do is remember. Unlike all other coping mechanisms that we come up with to meet our emotional needs, God's love is ALWAYS available. He is always there and always willing to reach out and help us.
The point of my dad's lesson (at least to me) was that as Children of God, we have a Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally and who will always be there for us. If we are ever going through a time where we feel lost, alone, afraid or rejected, we have a Father that will help us overcome those feelings. If you personally have not felt Heavenly Father's love, then take the time to kneel down, pray and ask Him (with faith) if He loves you. I promise that He will answer and that He will find a way to show His love for you. The experience that you have when you feel His love will be something that you can think about and reflect on during future trials and it will help you have the strength to get through.
God is real. He knows me, He knows you, and He loves all of us. Now I know my ABC'S, next time try it out for free. That's all folks.
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