It is not uncommon for us to be at the store or at a park, or at any random place and for people to ask questions such as:
Are they all yours?
Do they all have the same Mom?
Are you old enough to have six kids?
Do you know how this happens?
The answer to all these questions is yes! Despite what popular culture might lead people to think, our six kids all came in answer to prayer. They are all loved and we wouldn't trade any one of them. I am reminded of a talk given by Elder Neil L Andersen a few years ago. He started his address by saying this:
"It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children.
When a child is born to a husband and wife, they are fulfilling part of our Heavenly Father’s plan to bring children to earth. The Lord said, “This is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Before immortality, there must be mortality.
The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities. After Adam and Eve were joined in marriage, the scripture reads, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” In our day prophets and apostles have declared, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”
This commandment has not been forgotten or set aside in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We express deep gratitude for the enormous faith shown by husbands and wives (especially our wives) in their willingness to have children. When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions--decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith." (April 2011 conference)
We realize that it is a little crazy and that it makes life difficult in many ways. My wife and I also realize that we can't do a lot of things with just the two of us let alone week long cruises, but we are glad to have signed up for this ride anyway!
Whenever we get asked these questions I am reminded of a story told by Elder Andersen in this same talk. He explains, "Having young children is not easy. Many days are just difficult. A young mother got on a bus with seven children. The bus driver asked, “Are these all yours, lady? Or is it a picnic?”
'They’re all mine,' she replied. 'And it’s no picnic!'"
It's so true! Life is no picnic for parents, whether you have 2 or 20 there are plenty of opportunities to learn patience and to experience some soul stretching. Sometimes, if you're like me, you ask yourself why God would trust you with His children. Sometimes, if you're like me, you realize that you are incapable of being everything that all of your children need you to be. But sometimes, if you're like me, you also realize that "with God all things are possible" (Mark 10:27) and that "children are an heritage of the Lord...happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them." (Psalm 127:3,5)
As difficult as it is, and as often as I question myself and doubt myself, I believe that the Lord gives us just enough to be enough for our kids. I will use a couple of examples to illustrate.
On Sunday night we were driving home from family dinner at my parents house (which is no picnic, either!), and we were doing our scripture study in the car. The trait of humility came up and so we asked the kids what it meant. Our five year old pipes up just at that moment with, "bow chic a bow wow! I knew the light would turn green right now!" The absolute absence of humility in his response allowed us to teach through laughs what humility was. This seems silly, but it is one of the moments that you are grateful for as a parent...when you can have a teaching opportunity and laugh at the same time...and there hasn't been any destruction of property to produce the laugh! 😃
The second is last night when my two year old girl Audrey repeated nearly verbatim the book that she has been in love with for the last few months...and we got it on camera. Her sweet innocence brings a joy to our hearts that can be found in no other way. Experiences like this confirm the truth of what a mother said on her blog that Elder Andersen referenced in his address:
"“[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
So in answer to the people who ask us the questions referenced earlier...and to the people who then ask incredulously, "so are you going to have more!!??"... The answer is not always ours to give. We have had children when we have felt impressed upon to do so through His Holy Spirit. We believe that He will give us the talents, willpower, and means to take care of His children that He allows us to have in our family. I would trade any of my awards or worldly achievements for one day to come home to my kids and have them call me Dad and run up and give me a hug. They really mean that much to me, as does my wife. I believe that this is all part of the divine plan that God has for us and that we are participating in something that is eternal in nature rather than just a hindrance to all of the "fun" things we could be doing if we didn't have children to "hold us down."
No, thank you! I will take my life as challenging as it is, over anyone else's life. I would never trade tonight for anything. My eight year old was having a rough day (and has actually been having a rough week)... Experiencing some serious attitude problems and having difficulty finding joy in his journey. I chatted with him tonight after a rough experience where I got pretty upset with him. We both calmed down and I talked with him about the reasons behind his sadness. I told him about an experience I had with him a few years ago when he was between 2-3 years old. I had a pretty severe bout with depression and was really struggling. Not a lot of people knew about it, but I felt like I was in hell and that I couldn't get out. I was having a lot of difficulty finding anything to be happy about.
One day I came home from work and we ate dinner, read our scriptures and knell for family prayer. Amber and I had been trying to teach Trey how to pray, but he had yet to do it on his own. However, this night God saved me by helping my little son say a prayer on his own. As he prayed, I felt Gods arms around me assuring me that all was well and that I would find light again eventually. A truly blessed experience.
I shred this with trey tonight while he sat on my lap. Tears ran down his cheeks as he realized that he could use that same method of prayer to find peace during his difficulties. Folks, I don't care how cool it may seem to win the NBA finals or the Super Bowl, nothing could be as rewarding as experiences like this one with your kids. That is the bottom line and the gospel truth! So although life isn't a picnic as a parent, we sure do get a bounteous picnic of blessings from God as we work with Him in bringing children into this world and helping them to learn and grow. This truly is Gods plan and I am grateful to be a part of it!
