Remembering

I often have good intentions with everything... I'm going to remember God more,  act more Christ like,  Share the gospel more,  be more kind to my children, etc. The list of my good intentions could go on for some time. Problem is that i feel a lot like Nephi: "16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me (2 Nephi 4)

Paul felt similarly in Roman's 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

Bottom line is that i know my heart is in the right place and I'm trying.  I also know that Jesus died in my place so i don't have to be so afraid of my standing before God.  I certainly still try to obey and be better,  but I do so (as C.S. Lewis said), "in a less worried way. " Not because I can somehow redeem myself through my obedience,  but because I want to be better as a result of the influence of Christ's mercy and grace on my heart. Each day God's mercy is shown to us, and I'm determined to write more experiences down of when I notice God's grace and mercy on my life.

Start yesterday morning.  To be honest I've been scared for awhile that I'm just not cut out to be a teacher.  I have honestly wondered if I needed to go a new route. I listened to a devotional where a story was told about President Packer and how he decided ro become a teacher, and the Spirit just washed over me and I was reminded of all the miracles that brought me to this point and I knew I was still soing what God wanted me to do.

Then later that day I had an experience with a young man on the first day of class where I was again reminded of why I do what I do and why the Lord has me here.

Yesterday night I had a chance to go on a date with my wife and just realized again the simple joy that she brings to my life and how being with her makes my life far more complete. She is the love of my life and has been an absolute rock for me through everything.

Today I watched my kids play in the sprinklers, then on our playground and then helped them wash my car. I love being with them and just seeing how happy simple things make them. I was pushing Evelyn and Lanaya on the swings and realized that I would spend what we spent fifty times over just to hear their laughs and see their smiles. Money is nothing compared to just seeing how happy they are with something so simple. Then we made some sodas tonight with some flavoring and all the kids were just stoked. They were very grateful and I was grateful for God's mercy that allows us to have just enough extra money to buy these things.

Then I got to have Evelyn fall asleep on my chest as I read to her and Corban. I also got to play card games with Trey and Corban while she did. I just feel so grateful to God for allowing me to be a husband and father and to experience the pure joy that I do feel in those roles.

In addition I am preparing a talk for stake conference in a few weeks and have been having some thoughts come to mind from the Holy Ghost that I can share.  It is obvious that these thoughts are real inspiration,  because i would not have them myself!

God is good!